Reality of What It Is.

Lately I’ve been just walking around with no plan, no idea of what I want for my future or how I even want to achieve my goals I set for myself. Forever ago. A lot has been going on and then I just question myself, my career choice, if I really do fit in with the people I hang out with etc…
So today I’ve just been reflecting and even though I’m half asleep I feel like I’m making decent decisions. Well, the best I can make in the state I’m in.

I’m 21, people always say you never know what you want to do at this age, but I’ve known since I was the age of 3 what I wanted to do. It’s always been the same answer, a chef. I’ve written countless papers over what I want to be, how I want to achieve it and certain years it would take me to reach those set goals. And so far I’m on track. Until the last couple of jobs I’ve had… They’ve really put me in a rut. Burned me out. And each day I come to work with a “bleh” attitude And asking myself, why am I here? What am I doing? Why do I continue to show up if I hate it?

Money was NEVER my motivation, but now that I’m in this rut, and completely unhappy with where I am, it’s mostly about the money at this point. And I never wanted it to be my main motivation. EVER. It actually sickens me. Cooking should be with your heart, it’s your passion that pushes you. Makes you who you are in the kitchen. And for me it made me a stress free, relaxed, in the zone and happy person. Now, I’m unhappy and my mind continues to wander about every little detail. What I could change, how I would make that better. I guess that’s just the controlling aspect to my personality. Or as some people would label it, “type A” personality. But I would argue, I’m a bit of both if you really do get to know me.. I’m easy going, but I’m also very controlling in situations and cautious yet willing to push boundaries with certain things. Lately this hasn’t put me in a good place with people I work with, I do not tolerate laziness especially in a kitchen. And I call people out on it. Granted, that would annoy even me if someone did that, but you work in a kitchen and should already set high standards for yourself. I argue with myself daily about these kinds of things.

And then I came to the conclusion. Why am I so picky? Well it’s because I’m determined to make the best, I will not give up until I reach my goals. I will become a chef, I will own a restaurant And I will have a great attitude about it all. Overcome these obstacles, they’re just testing me anyways. I can do this! I CAN DO THIS!

Maybe this didn’t make much sense, but I felt it necessary to write this down, hear personal experiences in your own careers! So feel free to share!

Thank you for talking the time to read this, and I look forward to hearing some of y’all’s stories!

-April

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